Irish Free Cheese handed out- tastes like S%IT but is a great Fuel source

The First batch of European Union Cheese was distributed in Ireland yesterday and it's first recipient the ironically named Mary Bernadette Gouda O'Malley has already found an alternative use. "It tastes like hard squirell shit but I used it as fuel and it burned for hours on the fire" said a delighted Mary. "The heat off it kept me warm for hours."

Mary admits that she will take all the free cheese that she can get. "I'm hungry and peniless but I'm warm "declared a delighted Mary. "God Bless the Europeans, they have made an old woman's life that little bit more comfortable".